(Transcript)
“When The Ball Drops”
Characters:
Sana
Alex
Sana is a 27-year-old fifth generation Sri Lankan, the eldest of five younger sisters and lives in San Francisco. She goes to grad school with her friend Alex, a 30-year-old from New York who moved to San Francisco with her long-term boyfriend, Fabian. She’s seven inches taller than five foot Sana and has a complexion like honey, but both friends share the same green eyes. Sana is struggling with school and family expectations and is complaining to Alex. Alex gets upset and opens up about her infertility journey.
(Alex opens the front door and ushers Sana inside. Both put their bags down and begin to relax on the sofa)
SANA: (Sana plops on the sofa and lets out an exasperated breath) Ughhh. I’m so done with this semester. First, it’s already finals week and now she assigns us this project that’s due in 5 days. Why can’t I catch a motha fuckin break???
ALEX: (Alex places herself gingerly next to Sana) Well, we have two more weeks. I think we can pull through.
SANA: You say like it’s such an easy thing to get through. I have this judicial system exam on Friday, a paper due this Tuesday, AND I have to meet with professor Blanchard and ask why he gave me a C- on that paper I stayed up all night on. On top of all that, I go to work everyday, how am I expected to do all that?
ALEX: Uh huh.
SANA: (Sana gets up and starts pacing) Do professors not understand that there’s so much other CRAP to do outside of school?!
(Alex starts clicking her pen and Sana stops pacing and stares at Alex)
SANA: Yo. Stopp. Are you even listening to me?
ALEX: Of course, of course (nodding head absently)
SANA: Oh really, what did I just say?
ALEX: (shakes her head, trying to snap out of it) You’re having a tough time catching up at school…I mean, we are at grad school, things are a lot tougher than they were before.
SANA: I know that, but I didn’t expect THIS. I have no sense of time like I used to, everything just blurs into work, school, work again, then it all repeats, it never ends. I just want my life back. (Sana dramatically plops down on the sofa).
SANA: I know I’m going to fail. I can feel it. But my parents already bragged about me on Facebook, and all my family members are saying how it’s such a blessing coming from their first born. I can’t let them down. (Hangs head in shame and dramatically says) Oh! You know my hair is falling out too? This is literally the worst thing that can happen to me.
(Alex looks upset all of a sudden and turns away. She doesn’t speak for a few moments and Sana looks at her with a questioning gaze, trying to decide whether to ask what’s wrong)
SANA: Alex, what is it?
(Alex doesn’t move, her fists are clenched. Sana shakes her shoulder)
SANA: Alex, tell me! I’ve told you what’s on my mind, you know you can do the same.
ALEX: (Alex scoffs) I can’t! I can’t listen to this bullshit anymore! You talk on and on about school and your family (laughing) it’s like you never left high school!
SANA:(Sana jerks away) Alex…how could you… (angrily) You don’t understand, it’s not like you have failed any of your classes, you always get straight A’s.
ALEX: (turns towards her angrily) You really don’t know? Why Fabian and I are fighting all the time? Why I haven’t gone out with you and the girls in MONTHS? Why I throw myself into school work just to escape the HELL that has become my life???
SANA: (places hand on chest in confusion, moving closer to Alex) Alex…what’s happening? I don’t understand…
(long pause)
ALEX: I’m not pregnant.
SANA: What?
ALEX: I’m NOT pregnant.
SANA: (says hesitantly) Isn’t that… a good thing?
(Alex laughs incrediously)
ALEX: A good thing? NO. It’s the opposite of good. It’s disappointing, at this point devastating.
SANA: So…you want to get pregnant?
ALEX: (starts clicking pen for a few moments. She speaks, but you can barely hear the words leaving her mouth) I can’t get pregnant.
(Sana stares at Alex in disbelief. The two friends stare at each other in silence until Sana breaks it.)
SANA: I mean, I always knew you and Fabian wanted to start a family, but I never knew you already started trying. You guys aren’t even married yet. And I never thought… I never thought THIS would happen.
ALEX: (head in her hands, laughs a little) I never did either.
(Alex leans back into the seats, Sana leans towards her as she begins to speak)
ALEX: Right after the ball drop last year, Fabian came up to me, telling me how the New Year was the perfect time to start trying. I was hesitant of course, I’m still in school for fucks sake, but I wanted that. A family. So we started trying. The first month went by and nothing came of it. Then another, then another. All of a sudden, it was the end of fall semester and almost a year had passed since we started trying.
SANA: Have you seen any specialists?
ALEX: (Alex wraps her arms around herself) We both went to the doctors six months in to see if there was anything wrong. We were both perfectly healthy (say spitefully), Dr. Ruiz said some couples just have a hard time conceiving. But I knew something was wrong. It’s my body, I’m the only person who could tell.
SANA: Did you ever confirm it?
ALEX: Yeah, eventually. We both had several tests done and I knew it. (Smiling sadly) I can’t have kids.
SANA: I’m so sorry… (grasping for words) W-what did Fabian say?
ALEX: We barely even speak now. I get home and we eat dinner in silence, or he picks up more shifts at the construction site. We’ve tried everything, I’ve been through so many damn rounds of IVF, but a part-time job and a construction worker’s salary can only pay for so much.
(Alex gets up, still holding herself, eyes shining)
ALEX: I feel like a fucking failure!!! My body was made for one fucking purpose, I can’t even do that. I can’t give Fabian what he wants, I can’t give my parents any grandchildren, I can’t make a family of my own!! Can you even call me a woman?? Because I don’t know what I am, WHO I am anymore.
(Alex gently plops on the floor. Sana sits on the floor with Alex)
SANA: Saying sorry feels… inadequate. You know what, forget everything, I understand. Just know that you and Fabian wanted to start a family because you love each other, don’t let this destroy that.
ALEX: I know, I know. (rubs her eyes and sighs) I’m sorry I snapped at you that way, you didn’t know what was brewing in my head for the past year, no one has. It all just sort of…exploded. (Turns to Sana) But I don’t want you to feel like the shit you’re going through is invalid compared to mine. Shit, before all this, your problems were my problems. I hope that NO ONE goes through what I’m going through, but you deserve someone to listen to your problems too.
(Sana looks at Alex, amazed how even what she’s been going through, she still empathizes with Sana’s problems, which all seems so small now. Sana scoots in closer and gives Alex a side hug, putting her head on her shoulder)
SANA: Thank you.
